Thankfully, an article was added recently to the Der Spiegel Online (International) edition that steps up to the plate and begins asking those who are highly involved in the markets to explain what’s going on. This is not a piece of American journalism; It’s not trite, written at an 8th grade level and appallingly short to make the reader feel good about finishing the whole thing. No this is real writing designed to teach you something.

As much as I’d like to spend some serious time quoting giant sections and contributing my own witty commentary to each new thought and fact, I’m going to refrain. Read the article. Read it well. Maybe, just maybe, you’ll walk away with an understanding of just how badly we’re all getting screwed.

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I can’t say I’ve missed this - not really. Life has gone on without the blog and surprisingly it’s been rather nice. That’s not to say I haven’t had anything to shout or mewl plaintively about in the world. No no, I’m still the same curmudgeonly misfit who like to rail at.. well, everything. The difference is that over the winding course of the last three years I’ve fallen into some kind of Zen state which culminated, ultimately, in my leaving the blogging to the bloggers for a while. I also changed jobs twice, moved twice and got engaged. Yeah, that too.

The thing is, I love writing. I really do. So all this time I’ve been moving through my own life something internal has been crying out for a bit of release and I’m fairly certain the voice belongs to my own personal Hyde. I’m a much nicer guy now and I’ve got a very nice life - I won’t lie, it’s damn cushy - but writing lets the id roam, right alongside the damn buffalo, and I think that’s important. I guess the long and short of it is; I’m back.

For now.

I decided to through caution into traffic and went to see Transformers on Tuesday right after work. I was hoping that, while it was opening day, working parents would be unwilling to cart their rug-rats to the movies so quickly after work had ended. Thankfully, I was mostly right. With only a smattering of folks in the theater I was pleased though I was also quick to note that aside from parents I was the oldest person in the room. Average child’s age? No older than 12. Excellent, I thought, this is Michael Bay remakes the Tele Tubbies.

If you want details on action scenes, dialog, plot-line, etc go look elsewhere. That stuff has been covered in nauseating detail by everyone from Time Magazine to, well, blogs as inconsequential as this one. In truth, none of it’s that important. This is a Michael Bay film and while he has, previously, attempted to have a bit more plot in some of his films - this isn’t one of them. And that’s OK. Trying to sell me a serious plot that revolves around cartoon characters is an iffy proposition to begin with and it’s pretty obvious that Bay was having none of it.

The bottom line is that he didn’t take a steamer on my childhood fun. As a child of the 80’s this film will bring your childhood favorites back to the screen in an exciting and gorgeous way. You won’t be disappointed if you don’t expect anything more than a CGI/Live action adaptation of a half-hour cartoon. Bay sticks to the formula of action that has made him what he is and he doesn’t divert. Remember, you will not find an interesting plot here. You will not find witty exposition. You will absolutely not find anyone with a displayed IQ above 90 or so. Basically, it’s a movie made for the audience of TRL starring giant, killer robots that has more gunfire, military weaponry, badass explosions and general action than we’ve seen on the silver screen for quite a while now.

But it IS the Transformers.

Oh, and one other thing… Bay threw us a bone.
Or boner.

The female sidekick to Shia LeBeouf’s main character human is played by Megan Fox and from the first scene with her in it it’s obvious Bay had a boner for her and wanted all the rest of us to as well. Kids may love the transforming robots and the ginormous explosions but Dad will gladly take the whole family back to see it again tomorrow night just for another glimpse of this little darling. Some shots it is just so screamingly obvious what Bay is doing and I gotta say… Bless you, my man. Bless you.

FINAL RATING: 7.5/10

Now we have the fourth volume of this never-ending cycle of bad luck for our protagonist, John McClane, and, like most things being released these days, it’s a mish-mash of inane stupidity, incredible action and impossibly over-the-top situations. Hollywood at it’s least effective as it tries to please everyone in the room while offending no one in particular. *sigh* I mean, c’mon, all action (like humor) offends someone.

This time ’round John finds himself battling the evil forces of cyberterrorists, bent on bringing down our national infrastructure for (of course) a nefarious uber-purpose. No Middle Easterners here, though. Keep moving. Move along. This time our terrorists are home-grown white boys who obviously didn’t get enough attention from Mommy and Daddy. Plus Maggie Q. You just cannot forget her. Yum.

Anyway, this film was graced with a PG13 rating (the holy grail of summer blockbuster ratings) which ensured that every human over the age of 9 and under the age of, well, dead, should in theory want to go see it. While there is some decent fighting and more than a few moderately OK gunfights, the action tends to quickly jump the rails of believability and gallop the white stallion that is my shattered suspension of disbelief right into the hazy, day-glo orange sunset of moronic American enjoyment. Honestly, watching Willis in a tractor trailer avoid being decimated by what was probably a $40 billion fighter jet for five straight minutes while on a ramped highway was just about more than I could stand. Hearing the guy in the seat behind me titter, “That is SO cool!” made me want to ram a handful of his popcorn up his fat, stupid ass. Bad man. BAD. That is NOT cool. It’s stupid.

Anyone remember True Lies? Great movie. True Lies was fun because from start to finish it was meant to be an over-the-top, completely unrealistic, poking fun at traditional action movies movie. Well, DH4 runs right into True Lies territory a couple times and never once says it’s sorry. Combine that with a logic flaw so gaping, so enormously, glaringly ridiculous that when the credits rolled I stalked out of the theater in disgust.

Live Free of Die Hard is the perfect movie for a 15 year old. Lots of “shit” and “dick” but no “fuck” and action sequences that are so impossible as to border on stupid. In other words, perfect for the current MTV generation. Walk into this film knowing what to expect and you just might enjoy yourself a little. Walk in hoping for a worthy successor to the Die Hard lineage and you will be sorely disappointed.

FINAL RATING: 5/10

Each day around lunch time, Sam Peterson would drive to the Union Street Cafe, park his car and–without actually entering the coffee shop–check his e-mail and surf the Net. His ritual raised the suspicions of Police Chief Andrew Milanowski, who approached him and asked what he was doing. Peterson, probably not realizing that his actions constituted a crime, freely admitted what he was doing.

Well, there’s first first mistake, pal. Never, ever offer up information to a Police Officer. Of course, I bet he knows that now. What really begins to toast my ass comes in the following exchange;

Milanowski didn’t immediately cite or arrest Peterson, mostly because he wasn’t certain a crime had been committed. “I had a feeling a law was being broken,” the chief said. Milanowski did some research and found Michigan’s (piggybacking) law, a felony punishable by five years in prison and a $10,000 fine. Milanowski, who eventually swore out a warrant for Peterson, doesn’t believe Milanowski knew he was breaking the law. “In my opinion, probably not. Most people probably don’t.”

For those of you out there who thought my ‘never offer up information’ line above was a bit over the edge in terms of paranoia - I now have my vindication. Having apparently solved all of Michigan’s other crime-related issues in the past few days, Chief Milanowski felt justified in spending some of his tax-payer provided law enforcement time researching and now prosecuting a man for a crime that amounts to jaywalking.

Indeed, neither did Donna May, the owner of the Union Street Cafe. “I didn’t know it was really illegal, either,” she told the TV station. “If he would have come in (to the coffee shop), it would have been fine.”

Just… Wow.
Chief Milanowski, you are a shining example of why public opinion about the Police is so low. You exemplify why we have so little trust in law enforcement officers right now. People like me are derided for not cooperating with law enforcement by being standoffish when asked questions. The truth is, there are so many things you could be charged with in the United States that merely being in the vicinity of an officer is enough to make you nervous - why give them more ammunition? After all, even if you’re doing something as harmless as checking your email you could be breaking a law. Chief Milanowski should be ashamed of himself and ashamed of his brazen perpetuation of the worst behaviors of law enforcement officers.

The game cannot start because all players are set to observer. Too many players for splitscreen. Only 2 players may play splitscreen coop on the same Xbox 360 console. The party size is too large to start the game. Up to 4 players may play coop on Xbox Live or System Link. Loading information from Xbox Live…

I added the bolding, there. I won’t be the first to swear up one side and down the other that this would be hella cool if it were true but given the frequency with which the interwebs have caused me dire disappointment, I’m withholding my screaming, wet joy on this one until I hear real and true confirmation from the ninja coding overlords at Bungie.

“We really love using the episodes as a platform to push our tech forward,” said Speyrer, echoing statements made by Gabe Newell back in 2005 on the many reasons for going with “episodic” content. Along with the new physics system, which allows the creation of impressive real-time destruction and modification of game environments and objects on a large scale, all tech created by Valve for its own games is added to Source for all licensees. This time around, that also includes a new multicore-supported particle system, full-screen motion blur put to impressive effect in Team Fortress 2, self-shadowing bump maps, a number of new shaders, and other bits of eye candy.

Oh yes. That’s the good stuff.

Michael Bay has a great eye for action. I will not take that away from the man. While many film critics deride his films as tripe, I have to disagree on a fundamental level. Without actually knowing the man or his mission in film, I think I can safely say that he’s not setting out to remake ‘Of Mice & Men’ here. This is no Nabokov adaptation. Bay makes action films. He has a great sense of fun and imagination and, like all honest men, like to blow shit up. This is what he brings to his films. If you’re looking for dialog and drama, boy, you’re in the wrong neighborhood.

That said, these Transformers are somewhat of a travesty. Seriously. I used to play with the toys as a young’n and this is not at all, AT ALL, how I ever expected them to evolve. I’ll give Bay the benefit of the doubt because I have so enjoyed his films. I mean, come on.. Bad Boys. The Rock. Armageddon. Bad Boys 2. This is a pedigree that you cannot, as an action-film loving fan, ignore, but I am highly skeptical - more so after seeing these images.